| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
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I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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During a biology lesson, a teacher asked his class, "Who can tell me which part of the human body can grow to ten times it's original size when stimulated? Sarah?" One of the girls stood up and blushed. "Who can you ask such a question, professor? I will complain to the headmaster and my parents." The teacher was taken aback by this, until he realized what the girl meant. "Sit down, Sarah." he said. "Hugh, the correct awnser, please." A boy stood up and said, "The iris of one's eye." "Good." the professor turned to Sarah. "Miss, I can tell you three things about you from your awnser. One, you have not done your homework. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, someday I fear you will be sadly disappointed. _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL @ Trekked! An Anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has far too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble. Dormitory BECOMES: Dirty Room Evangelist BECOMES: Evil's Agent Desperation BECOMES: A Rope Ends It The Morse Code BECOMES: Here Come Dots Slot Machines BECOMES: Cash Lost in 'em Animosity BECOMES: Is No Amity Mother-in-law BECOMES: Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms When you rearrange the letters: Alas! No More Z's A Decimal Point BECOMES: I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes BECOMES: That Queer Shake Eleven plus two BECOMES: Twelve plus one President Clinton of the USA BECOMES: to copulate he finds interns _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Trekked - Student 
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what black and blue all over? Battling Billy! _______________ he's a Real nowhere man,Sitting in his Nowhere land.making all his Nowhere plans for nobody |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! Thanx for the jokes, folks! Got some bumpersticker-type quotes 2day. There's a lot, but they're funny: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me.before we met. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States. Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Black holes are where God divided by zero. All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Excuses are like asses everyone's got em and they all stink. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Takoa - Student 
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Here is another moral joke: There is this fly and he see's this giant pile of sh!t so he starts to eat it. When he is done he trys to fly off but he cant cause he is full of sh!t. So he see's this shovel leaned up againts a wall and thinks to himself, "Hmm maybe if i get a little altitude ill be able to hover and stuff." So he climbs the shovel all the way up to the handle. He jumps off the handle and falls straight down and falls to his death. The moral of this story is: Dont fly off the handle when your full of shit ___________ another joke my brother told me was this: What do Walmart and Michael Jackson have in common? Boys pants, half off. _______________ If you were to stab me in the heart, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -Love may not make the world go round, instead it makes the whole ride worthwhile. |
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DeathBringer - Ex-Student 
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Here is a nice one, tell this one in school A bear and a rabit are taking a shit in the woods Bear turns to the rabbit and askes him. Bear: Do you have a problem with shit stiking to your fur? rabit: well no i dont why? *So the bear whipes his ass with the rabbit* _______________ -.^ ..!. n00bs |
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Darth Samounoske - Ex-Student 
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lol _______________ good luck to you in training, cause uh lets face it im the best hahahahahahahahahahha sigh i wish |
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Tallepyon - Student 
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Lol |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmmm, I smell sausage.” The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said “Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes.” The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, “The only thing I can smell is molasses.” _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital sees a couple of patients behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noises not unlike a Kenworth... VRROOOOM,VRRROOOOMM,....SCREEEECH....... "What are you doing?" enquires the doctor. "I'm taking this road train down to Barcelona," replies the ex-trucker. Somewhat taken aback, but not to be put off, the doctor moves on to the next bed where he can see some very energetic activity going on underneath the covers. On pulling them back he finds a man totally naked face down humping into the mattress. "And what are you doing?" asks the doctor, a little perplexed. "Well," pants the man, "While he's in Barcelona I'm screwing his wife." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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Ah HA HA, I don't know whether to laugh or cry, that was kind of terrible, but strangely fun in a sick and twisted, obvious way. _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side 
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Takoa - Student 
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ok for certain reasons(me being to impatiencent) i wont be doing the 2 or 1......they arent as funny as you would inspect.........nehow here is another joke: Ok, so there is a fly, and he is on a log. There is a fish in a pond, and he is waiting for the fly to get to close to the edge so he can jump up and get it. There is a bear, and he is waiting for the fish to jump up so he can grab it. Well, there are some hunters, and they are waiting for the bear to jump up, so they can jump up and shoot the bear. Well there is this mouse, and the hunters are eating cheese sandwiches. The mouse is waiting for the hunters to jump up and drop their sandwiches so he can run over and grab the cheese. Well there is this cat and he is waiting for the mouse to go for the cheese so he can grab the mouse and eat it. Well the fly gets alittle to close to the edge, the fish jumps up and gets the fly, the bear jumps up and gets the fish, the hunters jump, dropping their sandwiches, and shoot the bear, the mouse runs over and grabs the cheese, and the cat jumps..................misses the mouse and about everything else and falls in the pond. The moral of this story: It takes alot of for-play to get a pussy wet. _______________ If you were to stab me in the heart, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -Love may not make the world go round, instead it makes the whole ride worthwhile. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! A new IRS auditor, eager to make a name for himself, decided to review the tax returns of the local synagogue. He proceeded to interrogate the Rabbi, asking him what the Synagogue did with the wax drippings from the Shabbat, Havdallah and Chanukah candles. The Rabbi, pleased to show the auditor that nothing went to waste, responded that "the used wax is collected and sent to a candle factory and they send the Temple new candles." "What about the crumbs from the matzah you eat at Passover?" Asked the IRS auditor. Simple, the Rabbi responded. "We collect all the crumbs, send them to the matzah bakery and they send us matzah meal." All right, said the auditor, refusing to give up. "I know that you're a moyel as well as a Rabbi. What do you do with the leftovers from the circumcisions?" Easy, said the Rabbi. "We send them to Washington, DC and they send us back little pricks like you." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Takoa - Student
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k ill do the 2,3,1 thing and so here is The Crappy Ghost: A sales-person and a hobo are driving in a car, in the country, when their car breaks down. They look around and find this farmer's house. They walk to the house and knock on the door, the farmer comes out. The sales-man asks him if he can use the phone because their car broke down. The farmer says, " Sure.......hmm this is the second car so far....." (have to read one of my past jokes ot understand that). So nehow, the salesperson comes back and says, "The towman will be coming tommorow morning, do u think we could stay the night?" The Farmer Replies with a yes. So they sit down to eat dinner and they have a good dinner. So the farmer before showing them the rooms says, "I only have two rooms left, the laundry room and the guest room." So the two decide among themselves with the hobo getting the laundry room, and the sales-person getting the guest room. Then the farmer said, "Oh, one more thing, if u step out of ur rooms tonight im going to have to shoot you...... Hope you have a good night." So the two goto their rooms and fall asleep. In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up having to goto the bathroom. He remembers what the farmer said and thinks on what todo. He looks around the room and then his eyes land on his pillow case. He takes it off, takes a cr@p in it, and then thinks on where to put the bag of sh*t. He sees the laundry shoot and throws it down it. In the morning the farmer asks how they slept. The salesman says quickly, " Oh, just fine, fine..." Then the farmer asks the hobo in which he replies, "Oh i had a great sleep, but in the middle of the night this ghost attacked me but i managed to beat the CR@P out of it." _______________ If you were to stab me in the heart, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -Love may not make the world go round, instead it makes the whole ride worthwhile. |
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Jello` - Student 
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What does putting vaseline on a motorcycle have to do with the rest of the joke? lol, ok heres mine: So theres a guy and he heard from his doctor that masturbating before sex gave it more pleasure. So he thought all day of where to commit the act. He thought of everything but it was too obvious. But then he thought of pulling his truck over and doing it under the truck pretending he was fixing something. On the way home he pulled over and he went under the truck and started beating it. Almost reaching orgasm, he heard a guy say (who is a cop) "What are you doing down there?" not wanting to 'lose it' he said "Just fixing the rear axle." and the cop says "Well you mine as well check your breaks while your down there, because your truck rolled down the hill about 3 minutes ago." _______________ Brady Brothers: Orion-Greg, Furi0us-Peter, Me-Bobby. Long lost cousin to Flash. Midbie Council #007. Ex-JAK. |
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Buzz - Student 
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This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it keeps it looking nice and shiny for years. Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at their house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes. As they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her to see if he can get someone to talk. Nobody says anything. So he throws her on the table and bangs here right there in front of everyone and still nobody says anything. Still a little excited, he looks over at her mom, who is also very attractive and kisses her. Nobody says a word, so he bangs her on the table too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starting to rain. In a hurry he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket, but before he can move his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay fine. I will do the damn dishes.' _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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aph3x - Retired 
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ok heres one you guys have probably already heard. i hope it doesnt offend anyone. ok nm im not even going to say it |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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mommy, mommy, there are funny chunks in my food. shut up! do you think daddy vomits through a strainer ? Mommy, mommy, can I have a spoon ? what do you need it for ? Daddy has vomited, but the cat has eaten all the bigger chunks. Mommy, Mommy, I'd like some cookies. Well, just get some, they're on top of the cupboard. But mommy, Im to small to reach them. Get a chair then. But mommy, I have no arms! Well, no arms, no cookies. _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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New rule for you Bubu: When you're reading anything on this thread, you must put your coffee cup down out of arm's reach! _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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LOL thanks billy my keyboard is covered in coffee now! i was taking a big fat sip of my coffee when i read the punch line... damn! _______________ make install -not war |
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koushka - Student 
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Lets have all three in 2, 3, 1 order _______________ Faithful Padawan of {SKX}Dark Blade My profile pic is luke skywalker
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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I'll vote for #2. A guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, “Hey what a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if ask how you got yours?” So the other guy says, ”Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. You see, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said, ‘I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh.’ So she socked me one.” “Mine was a tongue twister too,” said the first guy. “I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.’ But I accidentally said, ‘You ruined my life you f*cking bitch.’" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Takoa - Student
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there needs to be at least one vote made before i post one of these three _______________ If you were to stab me in the heart, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -Love may not make the world go round, instead it makes the whole ride worthwhile. |
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Loaf - Ex-Student 
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weee...100th post _______________ The Notorious Conversation Killer |
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Takoa - Student
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ok im not sure which joke to to post next so ill take a vote on one of these three: 1.the long list of blonde jokes skit. 2.The Crappy Ghost or 3.There are such things as dumb blonde men. _______________ If you were to stab me in the heart, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt. -Love may not make the world go round, instead it makes the whole ride worthwhile. |
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