| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! I just peed my pants! Saddam's letter to Pres. Bush: Sent: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 3:24 PM Subject: Saddam's letter After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still alive", Saddam decided to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him know that he is still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H George W. couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service... the list got longer and longer. Eventually they asked Mossad in Israel for help. Cpt: Moishe Pippick took one look at it and replied: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down! _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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JavaGuy - Student 
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A kid is walking down the street with his father when they see two dogs mating. "Daddy!" says the little boy. "What are those doggies doing?" "Well, son, they're making puppies." A few weeks later he walks in on his parents in their bedroom. "Daddy!" he says. "What are you doing?" "Well, son," his father replies, "We're making babies." "Well turn her over. I'd rather have puppies!" _______________ My signature is only one line. You're welcome. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! Those were great!!! The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s. Can I help you?" she asked. ”I want to see Natalie" the man replied. ”Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else." said the madam. "No. I must see Natalie" was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one hundred dollar bills and gave them to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmlyleft. The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row – too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina." Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina." I know," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is: Three things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Phantom - Student 
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Heres a few funny ones: Tooth Brush. Johnny's dad walks into the bathroom and sees Johnny scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush. His dad says what the hell are you doing! He says "there's no way I'm getting a cavity like my sister __________________________________________________ Heres some more: Sex edcuation As sex education is being taught at a younger age these days little Johnny is in class one day when the teacher begins the days sex lesson. "Todays letter is the letter "p" and the word is "penis". Little Johnny can hardly contain himself and blurts out, "I know what that is"! "I know! I know!!" " My daddy has two of them! " "He has a little one he goes pee with...and a great big one he brushes the baby sitters teeth with!" __________________________________________________ Heres another: Whats a period The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. Eventually little Johnny's turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, waited a short time and make a second small white dot next to the first. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. 'It's a period,' reported Johnny. 'Yes, I can understand that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?' 'Damned if I know,' said Johnny, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted, and the man next door shot himself Thats all for now  _______________ -Phantom Ex-Master to Threat. Proud owner of Sazabi's 1500th comment! And Threats 50th comment "Insanity: a perfect rational adjustment to an insane world" |
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Nemesis Nova - Student 
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Here's one: #An Amerindian mother sitting in her teepee. Her little boy comes and asks: -Mom why does sister's name is Sun Dawn? -Because Father and I did your sister while the sun dawned, the Mother replied. The son goes back to his activity. The next day the boy comes to his Mother again and asks: -Mother why is brother's name is Rocky Mountain? -Because Father and I did you brother while being on a rocky mountain (*ouch*) The son returned to his activitys but then noticed something was wrong and came back: -Mother? -WHAT?, replied the annoyed mother -Why is my name Broken Condom?? __________________________________________________ #Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs? Wherever you put it, dumbass. __________________________________________________ #1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. 2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. 3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend? The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. 4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it? You swim across -- all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference. __________________________________________________ #A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. __________________________________________________ Lol! I think it's enough for now !  <--Nova--> _______________ Stop with the stupid sigs would you? Yea sure, why not, i'll stop asking myself things too... This comment was edited by Nemesis Nova on May 28 2003 09:03pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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A bunch of shorter ones 2day! Enjoy! Social Security Sex: Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!" Loud Sex: A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!" Quiet Sex Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" Confouned Sex: A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium, $14,000 for large. The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. So the man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen". Wedding Anniversary Sex: A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" Women’s Humor: My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in. Good Bye: A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Sared - Retired 
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Yeah, I heard that one before, 'cept it was a pair of bicyclers. And BTW, that one about the anchor was f@#$ing hilarious! _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. This comment was edited by Sared on May 26 2003 10:01pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL!!! I like that one!!! One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba," said Jimmy Joe, "where'd you get that truck?" "Bobbi Sue gave it to me," Bubba replied. "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" said his incredulous friend. "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobbi Sue pulled off the road, put the truck into 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So, I took the truck!" "Bubba, you are one smart man!" said Jimmy Joe. "Them clothes woulda never fit you." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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One evening Johnny sat down at the kitchen table doing his homework while his mother watched television. Upon hearing the evening news, his mother let out a shriek. "Johnny! Johnny! China has just launched a nuclear missile toward the United States." Johnny looked up from his book with a confused expression on his face. "Do you understand what this means?" his mother implored. All excited, Johnny quickly replied, "No school tomorrow." _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Sorry guys! Lost my internet for the last week or so. Here's 2-day's: Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do.... I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Diane E. Amov My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Sniya - Student 
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HAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOLLLLLLO<OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLLOL are u ok now? _______________ The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. Bertrand Russell http://www.thejediacademy.net/forums_detail_page.php?f_id=970 |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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I DEMAND a response for this!! _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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Okay, here goes: If you've ever been to a down home real live chili cook off then you'll know that this story's about! Enjoy! CHILI COOK OFF Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also. the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. The other two judges (Native Texans) assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy. Besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting; so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. FRANK: Holy smokes, what the hell is this stuff?You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These hicks are CRAZY. Chili #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI JUDGE ONE: Smoky (barbecue?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. Shoved my way to the front of the beer line. Chili #3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs beans. JUDGE TWO: A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: This has got to be a joke. Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now and got out of my way so I could make it to the beer wagon. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. Chili #4: BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills so I wouldn't have to dash over to see her. Chili #5: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed hurt when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. Sort of irritates me that one of the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Chili #6: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers. JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Chili #7: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. JUDGE TWO: Ho hum, tastes as if the chef threw in canned chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress. FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth and pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel it. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My clothes are covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth at some point. Good! At autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful, and I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili #8: HELEN'S MOUNTAIN CHILI JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. FRANK: [editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report] _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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POST DAMMIT!!! _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Sniya - Student
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"I'll try to post one joke a day on here" post damit im getting withdrwal symptoms _______________ The real question is not whether machines think but whether men do. Bertrand Russell http://www.thejediacademy.net/forums_detail_page.php?f_id=970 |
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Buzz - Student 
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Actually it wasn't created on January 1 or December 31, depending on your timezone. There was a site error DJ corrected back in March I think and every single post made before he corrected it was reset to December 31 or January 1. For a more accurate idea of when this post was started check the very first comment's date. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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Hey, anyone notice this post was created on January the first? *wins prize for Endurance* _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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DaRtH-MoBiLiTy - Student 
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Speaking of Jew's and Catholics.....(which I love both)......BUT.............. A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi are walking down the street next to a park where some kids were playing. The Catholic Priest turns to the Rabbi and says, "Hey, lets go SCREW those kids!" The Rabbi turns to the Priest and says, "SCREW em' out of what?" LOL _______________ One Day, it will all end. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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LOL!!! morale of the story: be jewish! hehe _______________ make install -not war |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL! A rabbi and a priest are having a discussion about the benefits and drawbacks of their respective positions. The priest says to the rabbi, "Is it true that you aren't allowed to eat bacon?" "Yes", says the rabbi. "Did you ever try some, just to see what it was like?" "Well, yes, just once", replies the rabbi. "It's pretty good, isn't it?" "Yes, indeed it is." There's a short pause, and then the rabbi says to the priest, "Is it true that you can't have sex?" "Yes." "Did you ever try it, just to see what it was like?" "Yes, just one time.", says the priest. "...it's a lot better than bacon, isn't it?" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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hehe Two martial arts experts were comparing their powers. "Watch my speed!" said one, and then cut down a passing fly with his sword. "That is nothing," said the second, and made two deft cuts at another one. "What's so impressive about that?" sneered the first. "The fly is still alive." "Aah," said the other. "But now it can never have children." _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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I think that I will never see my cateracts are blinding me _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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Padawan On A Stick - Student 
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I have a bumper sticker one... but you have to be a parent to get this... Be nice to your kids... They're the one's who choose your nursing home. My kids think I'm an ATM machine. _______________ When you are told something for years, you learn to accept it. But, after the truth is revealed, you feel conufusion, isolation, and depression. Then you ask, where do I belong? I'm searching for that answer. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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LOL! Good one! One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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