| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'" "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us." _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Rosie - Student 
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and still it's very funny |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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Billy, that joke has been posted here like five times.  _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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KickerNeo - Student 
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ok... _______________ "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."-Albert Einstein |
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Rosie - Student 
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hehehe I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! Nice one Buzz!!! Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn. She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f*ck off our car!" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Buzz - Student 
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A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year." They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one." The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow." The husband's condition has been reduced from critical to stable and he should make a full recovery. _______________ When you are going through Hell, keep going. -Sir Winston Churchill. Those who seek power and control of others, no matter the level, no matter the intentions, should never be given it. |
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Flamori Athena - Student 
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lol Darkwood!!!! _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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Glad y'all like 'em!!! A horse and a chick were playing in a meadow. The horse fell into a mud hole and started to sink. The horse instructed the chick to get the farmer so that he could be pulled to safety. The chick ran to the farm but the farmer was nowhere to be found. Without a moment to spare, the chick got into the farmer's BMW and drove back to the mud hole. Then, the chick tied some rope around the bumper, threw the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and proceeded to pull the horse to safety. A few days later, the chick and the horse were playing in the meadow again. This time around, the chick fell into the mud hole. The chick instructed the horse to get the farmer so that she could be pulled to safety. Replied the horse, "Here's the plan... I'll stand over the hole..." The horse stretched over the length of the hole and continued, "Now, just grab for my penis and pull yourself to saftey." The chick obliged reluctantly and pulled herself to safety. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Dicemaster - Student 
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ok this is kinda a long one so stick with me There was a pirate and he owned a parat right? well everyday the pirate would say "shoot 'em down shoot 'em down come on come on shoot 'em down shoot 'em down come on come on" after a while the parat cought on and started saying it as well. Well the pirate got sick of this so he sold it to a acheologist. Everyday the acheologist would say "dig 'em up dig 'em up come on come on dig 'em up dig 'em up come on come on" Well the parat cought onto this and started repeating that. THe acheologist got sick of that and sold it to a carnival worker. Everyday the carnival worker would say "shoot a fat penguin win a prize shoot a fat penguin win a prize" well once again the parat cought on the carnival worker got sick of it so he sold it to a priest. One day the priest was preaching in the field and said "The angles are in the heavens to guide us" and the parat said "shoot 'em down shoot 'em down come on come on shoot 'em down shoot 'em down come on come on" then the priest said, "the devil is in the ground to tempt us" and the parat said dig 'em up dig 'em up come on come on dig 'em up dig 'em up come on come on" then the priest said "the nuns are here to guide us" and the parat said "shoot a fat penguin win a prize shoot a fat penguin win a prize" _______________ Dicemaster |
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Dicemaster - Student 
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that was good lolololol _______________ Dicemaster |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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billy u r a natural m8!!! keep them coming!  _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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SilkMonkey - Distributor of Cold Ones 
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lol. Keep em coming. _______________ |-HK-47 -SilkMonkey: You are receiving a warning for being_too_sexy. If you do not stop, action will be taken against you.|| (11:13:43) � Virtue dances for Silk ||Smiling owner of Smilykrazy's 6000th comment =) ||Odan Wei's Proud Big Brother|| Janus is my official TaruTaru Cuddly Animal Type Person. ||(@Virtue) Or you could just be a man and set fire to your genitals.....you won't fall asleep for days after that.......trust me.||Thomas Skywalker er for sexy for sitt eget beste!!!!| Not changing sig until the JA loosens up. (Started: Aug 31, 2005) |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Nice one Flamori! A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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A guy is in his local Wal-Mart and has to use the restroom. He walks in and sees a Leprechaun standing there. The Leprechaun says to the guy, "Top o' the mornin' to ya! You're a lucky man today. I'm Larry the Leprechaun and I shall grant you 3 wishes today! What is your 1st wish laddy?" The guy, sort of staring in disbelief says, "Ummmm...how about a million dollars in my bank account." The Leprechaun snaps his fingers, "You now have a million in your bank account. What's your next wish laddy?" The guy thinks for a second, "OK, I'd like my wife to lose 50lbs and have 36DD boobs." The Leprechaun snaps his fingers again, "Your wish has been granted. And now for your last wish?" The guy thinks for a second, "OK, I'd like there to be a brand new, candy-apple red Ferrari waiting for me in the parking lot." The Leprechaun snaps his fingers one last time, "Your Ferrari is in front of the store. But before you go, since I granted you these 3 wishes, I was wondering if you could grant me a wish. Being a mythical figure, I don't get to have sex a lot. Would I be asking too much if I could have sex with you right here in one of the stalls?" The guy thinks to himself that this poor Leprechaun just gave him a million dollars, a new Ferrari and made his wife all gorgeous, letting him *bleep* me is the least I could do. "OK Mr. Leprechaun, let's go!!!" So after the Leprechaun finishes giving the guy a prison-style romp, he asks him, "Aye laddy, thank you so much, but I'm just curious, how old would you be?" "I'm 25, my birthday was last week.", says the guy. The Leprechaun replies, "Hmmm...what is a 25 year old man doing still believing in Leprechauns?" _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Loaf - Ex-Student 
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A man walks sideways through an airport door, going to bang-kok _______________ The Notorious Conversation Killer |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Five US presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane. Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane. Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane. Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Ryan Phoenix - Ex-Student 
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A man walks into a bar and orders a double martini, then he slurps it right down. "What's wrong?" asks the bartender. "How did you know something was the matter?" Inquires the man. "You just slurped down a double martini," he responds. "Well if you must know, I just found out my brother's gay." The man leaves the bar and returs the next day. Again he orders a double martini and puts it down immeadeatly. "What's wrong now?" asks the bartender. "I just found out my other brother's gay." He leaves the bar and returns the next day. Once again he slurps a double martini down instantly. "Does anyone in your family like women?" the bartender asks. "Yeah, my wife." _______________ Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you. |
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Virtue - Jedi Council 
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Really??? DOH!! Ok, ummm.....Emergency Joke.... A Nun and a Priest cross the Desert on a Camel, all of a sudden the Camel drops down dead. The Preist says to the Nun - "Well my child, our Camel has died, we are in the middle of the Desert with no food or water, we are going to die. Do you have any last requests of me?" The Nun replies - "Well Father, as I have chosen the service of God as my lifes work, I have never seen a Man Naked" The Priest catches on to what the NuN means and says "I see, okay my Child". With that, he drops his robes and reveals himself to the Nun. The Nun gazes in astonishment and says - "Oh my Father, what is that thing hanging down there?" The Preist replies - "That, my child, is the giver of life" To which the Nun replies - "Well - shove it up the Camels ass and let's get the hell outta here!!!" - Virty.  _______________ Academy Architect |
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Jake Kainite - Student 
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virty d00d thats like the 4th time that ones been put on here lol _______________ Apprenctice of Jedi Master Ascari (deceased) Descended from a line of great Jedi Will argue any point of view from any side
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Virtue - Jedi Council
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Ok, this is a really crap one, but what the hell... There is a Priest and a Nun driving a small car down a one way street. The drive is going quite smoothe untill a Vampire jumps out of the bushes right in front of the Car. SMACK! The Vampire sails through the air as a result of the car hitting him and thuds onto the floor some 10 feet in front. The Nun says to the Preist - "OH MY!! A VAMPIRE! Father, Quick, get out of the car and show him your cross!" The Priest replies "Ok" and steps out of the car, and shouts - "GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY YOU STUPID BLOODSUCKING B4$74RD!!!" - Virty. _______________ Academy Architect |
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Flamori Athena - Student
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lol Ryan _______________ «±» 21st on the Midbie Council, Profile ID: 2027 «±» True wisdom is the knowledge that you know nothing. |
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crazy_hacker - Ex-Student 
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lol billy, i heard that one the same way, only for the last wish thing he said he wanted to get beaten half to death _______________ if at first you dont succeed, try and try again. if you still dont succeed, youve just wasted a whole lot of time trying something you just cant do
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Ryan Phoenix - Ex-Student
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Okay a priest wakes up one Monday morning and finds his prize rooster has been stoloen. After a while he decides it had to be somebody in the congregation. The following Sunday he addresses the congregation: "Okay, does anyone here have a cock?" and all the men raised their hands. "No, no, you have wrong idea." he responds. "Has anyone seen a cock thats not theirs?" and all the women raised their hands. "No, thats not what I mean, what I mean is, has anybody here seen my cock?" and the altarboys raised their hands. _______________ Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you. |
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