| Joke of the Every Couple of Days!!! | |
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Battlin' Billy - Student  |
Permanent
I'll try to post one joke a day on here. Feel free to add a joke or 2 yourself._______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! This post was edited by doobie on Mar 02 2004 04:52pm. |
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Fizz of Belouve - Student 
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bumpydi bump  _______________ One of the Belouve boys, founder of the mighty FiZZsters Midbie council #20 - Fizz - #1933 - Jan '03 - Aug '04 "Renfield, you idiot!" |
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Apologetic - Student 
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BUMPY! _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u  [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the old gal to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th , I'll go back down there and get her." _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Flash - Student 
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LOL! |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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Just after he got married, a guy was invited out for a night with "the boys." He told the misses that he would be home by midnight ... promise! The hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy, at around 3am, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, he realized she'd probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of himself, having a quick and witty solution to escape a possible conflict, even when smashed. The next morning, his wife asked what time he got in and he told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. “Whew! Got away with that one!”, he thought to himself. She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. "Why?" he asked her. She said, "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'oh shit,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Apologetic - Student
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Bumpy! _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
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Flash - Student 
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Ewww... |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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*ouch _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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i like this one: Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending. Suddenly there was a horrible scream, and a resounding cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!" and here's another christmas one, enjoy: On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid replies, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."  _______________ make install -not war This comment was edited by Bubu on Nov 30 2003 11:55am. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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You know what's the greatest thing about amnesia? ? You can hide your own easter-eggs _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Flash - Student
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LOL! |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip... but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus told him that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. Then when he went to harness the Reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas Tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you, Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas Tree _______________ make install -not war |
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Battlin' Billy - Student
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OK, here's the 1st X-mas joke of the season: Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates." The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols". _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Apologetic - Student
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ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111ONEONEONE SO ON ECT. _______________ Love GOD and jesus as they love u [move]We defend the peace and help the helpless we r the mandilorian jedi troops![/move] |
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Axion - Student 
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LOL those are good.... E-mail Error It's wise to remember how easily e-mail can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P.S. Sure is hot down here. Heinlich Maneveur Three guys were in a bar and they heard a woman choking. They decided she would be okay, and went on with their conversation. Pretty soon the woman started choking really bad, so the three guys walked over to her. The first guy bent the lady over, the second pulled down her pants and the third guy licked her butt. The lady was so shocked she stopped choking and one of them said, ''See, I told you the HEINLICH manevuer works!''' _______________ Axion - Yeah. This comment was edited by Axion on Nov 26 2003 08:03pm. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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LOL!!! Nice ones Bubu!!! I got some blonde jokes for ya'll! -------- Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.. Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left". So they turned around and went home. What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth! Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter." What does a blonde call a bottle of dark hair dye? Artificial intelligence. _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear... How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Not enough sand. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? No? Good! What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night. How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ? None. The invisible hand does it. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac. George Carlin You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneris I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. Carol Leifer I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people. Ed Bluestone I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries". The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that". Jay Leno Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish. What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers? Nuclear fission. Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board? Because it had a nice groove in it! How can you tell if a redneck is married? There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck. I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. Dave Edison If it weren't for electricity we would all be watching television by candlelight. George Gobel Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown Now suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself. Mark Twain How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it. How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb? They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out. How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb? One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself. Why are blondes only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks? It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour. What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant. Is it mine? How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicapped spots. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot. THAT'S ALL FOLKS! _______________ make install -not war |
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D@RtHM@UL - Student 
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ROFL !!! |
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Stimpski - Student 
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Soy Toy While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed: “Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you.” “When I did fool around, I put a soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained. The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in his wife. “I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?” “Oh that, ” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!” _______________ Stimpski (formerly known as DeathScythe many, many moons ago.) JA Forum ID - 3988 <insert generic &/OR witty tagline here> |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student
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Yeah _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Thomasooo - Student 
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One for us scandinavians: To blondiner ble funnet ihjelfrosset på drive-in kinoen. De skulle se "STENGT FOR VINTEREN"! _______________ In the navy and LOVING it!
Recipient of comment no. 1000 and heart-warming words from Ataris!
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Jacen Aratan - Student |
Nice ones, Bubu. |
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Bubu - Hubbub
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I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor I work at great depths I plunge head first into everything I do I do not get weekends off or public holidays I work in a damp environment I don't get paid overtime I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work period You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing You'll retire well before reaching 65 You're unable to work double shifts You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags. Sincerely, The Management _______________ make install -not war |
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Flash - Student
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Nice one Bubu. |
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Axion - Student
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LOL BUBU!! _______________ Axion - Yeah. |
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