| The future of UK :D | |
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Casual - Student  |
The GCSE's are public exams taken by 13 year olds in UK. This is an indication of the wonderful future that awaits the UK.... the level of answers in GCSE exams! This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers... 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" 3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 4. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. 7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. 9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. 10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee he, Brutus." 11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. 12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence. 13. In medieval times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. 14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. 15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." 16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. 17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. 20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. 21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. 23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theatre and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed as senator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. 25. Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees. 26. Johan Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster that he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handle. Handle was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large. 27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children. 29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West. 30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event that ended her reign. 31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick rapper, which did the work of a hundred men. 32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. 33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the annals of human history _______________ Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears, To me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears. |
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Ashyr - Student 
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Quote: In medieval times most people were alliterate. LOL Thanks man, that list made my day.  _______________ Top ten reasons to get a better computer...|My fan |
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Fire - Student 
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"They all wrote in hydraulics" hahahahaha |
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Mookie - Ex-Student 
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Hahah, I keep forgetting how awesome those answers are. |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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Quote: google: jaiko + lol I happened to google that they even have a pic of Jaiko  http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/art/a/n/annaalbano/3headwonder.jpg.html _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Casual - Student 
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google: jaiko + lol _______________ Thanks to the human heart by which we live, Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears, To me the meanest flower that blows can give Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears. |
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Jaiko D'Kana - Student 
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OMG!1!1! How did you find my GCSE papers ? -JaikoD'Kana- _______________ The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. William James (1842 - 1910) |
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Garos - Student 
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The future of the UK: Big Ben goes digital |
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tarpman - The Tarped Avenger 
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Bach practiced what on a spinster, exactly? _______________ Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time. |
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Setementor - Jedi Master 
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ROFL! |
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Mookie - Ex-Student 
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I never bump topics but I scrolled back to this and fell off my chair. Read it. |
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Jippie Phoenix - Student 
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I read it again I think some1 is pulling your leg _______________ |
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Jippie Phoenix - Student 
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seriously I don't remember taking my gcse's when I was 13 I think may have been 16.  _______________ |
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Roan Belouve - Retired 
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ROFLMAO Man I wondered where all my old school work had gone. _______________ *Bro to Vaxxla,Padawan of FiZZandOdan-Wei Part of the mighty Belouve Dynasty-Knight of Nippledom.Twin of Selphestal!**Proud Master to Kaelis and Acura Friend to anyone who would call me the same . Pic by the amazing Majno (merry)
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Nero - Student 
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Quote: Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. _______________ -Nero Quote: Curious, Smartass, what else? |
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DJK - Student 
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HAHA! -DJ This comment was edited by DJK on May 29 2004 01:42pm. |
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SedNox - Student 
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OMG! these are awesome _______________ -Evil Clown- "We interrupt this program to increase dramatic tension." Echuu's 1200th comment, D@RtH N00B's 10850th comment, Redeye's 100th and 150th comment. |
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Menaxia - Student 
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o o o - another good one, also on the same list of tragic answers on my School's scince block walls: "Water is made of two gins - hydigin and oxygin" _______________ This is not the place to look for me |
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Menaxia - Student 
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The best one i ever heared came from a science paper that asked for the cure for fainting: and I quote "Place the head between the knees of the nearest doctor" They stuck that one up on the wall of the science building. ROFLMAO _______________ This is not the place to look for me |
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Bail Hope of Belouve - Student 
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LOL That gravity one rules! _______________ Visit the Belouve Family Website! Quote: I try to have fun with my friends and try to make a difference as best I can. What does making a difference mean? Well, it can be as simple as saying hello, answering a question that seems obvious or heck, just talking. -- Vladarion
Want to know Vladarion? Read the Article about his life here. |
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Battlin' Billy - Student 
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ROTFLMAO!!! OMG!!! I was crying I was laughing so hard!!! Quote: And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. Thanx for the laughs, Cas!!! _______________ Midbie Council Member #2 - Profile ID 2073 | Member of B@rtM@ulS@ar | Owner of Monty's 2000th comment & D@RtHM@UL's 8100th comment | Former Padawan of SilkMonkey & Arcuss JA Goaltender & NHL Fan | Fellow Rush fan to Axion|Plo Koon is my oldest JA friend Post your RL pics HERE! | Post you JK2/JK3 screenies HERE! |
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Bubu - Hubbub 
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Quote: Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees. *falls off chair* _______________ make install -not war |
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JavaGuy - Student 
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These are from a book called Anguished English. It also contains a chapter of real newspaper headlines, including: BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS AMERICAN SHIPS HEAD TO LIBYA DEFANDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE and a bunch of others that I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I read them. _______________ My signature is only one line. You're welcome. |
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Orion - Retired 
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um....wow im dumbfouned..... I hope these are the answers from only a few kids....who were dropped on their heads when they were small...... Quote: It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented HAHHAHHAHHAHHHAHHHAHHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHA removable type and the Bible _______________ When a Man lies he murder's some part of the world. These are the pale deaths which men misscall there lives. All this I cannot bear to witness any longer. Cannot the kingdom of salvation take me home? -Cliff Burton Owner of Smily's 1900th comment | <Lady_Catherine> i love your sexy white socks! | (Lady_Catherine) i adore u! | (Lady_Catherine) onion (Lady_Catherine) i lub u This comment was edited by Orion on May 27 2004 06:42pm. |
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Sared - Retired 
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@ #7. I have heard of guys that died from an overdose of wedlock. _______________ I'm crazy, not stupid. |
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_cmad_ - Ex-Student 
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HAHAHAHAHA ROFL PWNED!!!! _______________ Your friends of today, are your enemies of tomorrow. |
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